This week we talked about parenting and problem solving. The one thing that I would like to focus on is the different styles of parenting. The 3 styles are: Authoritarian, Permissive, and Authoritative. The authoritarian style is basically like a dictatorship. It's all about regulation. The permissive style is more like a friendship. There is little to no correction. The authoritative style is where the parent listens and corrects. There are boundaries that are set. I think that the correct way to parent is the authoritative style. I think that it is important to treat your kids as kids, and set appropriate boundaries so they can learn right from wrong in a proper way. I have met people who have raised their kids in a permissive way, and it allows the child to run the show. They aren't prepared for the real world, and they seem to think they can also boss around and whine to their peers. I have also met parents who raise their kids authoritarian style. This causes problems with the child as well. I feel like kids become more rebellious and do things that they know they're not supposed to in spite of their parents. I also think that some kids grow up hating their parents, and they lose relationships with them.
I don't know what exactly it is to be a perfect parent, but I can only hope that I can become as close to a perfect parent as possible when I become one.

Working Families

This week we talked about working families. The one thing that was pointed out that really stood out to me was in the history of the world, work was not separate from family. We talked about how kids would go to work with their parents and families would work together. I think that this could be so beneficial for families in these days. So often families are being separated by different jobs that it makes them have separate lives from each other. When I was young I remember my Dad working all the time. He was only around every once in awhile. My mom also has always had a job. She wouldn't work as many hours, but I remember not wanting her to leave or spend too much time on school because she wasn't focusing on me. That sounds selfish, but as a child I needed more time with my parents. I am grateful that my parents both worked because it taught me independence and how to work hard. I just wish that they hadn't worked so much and that we could have spent more time together as a family.

"Work used to be about life, and now life is about work."

When people think of communication they mostly think of verbal, but what people don't realize is that nonverbal communication makes up about 51% of communication while words only make up about 35%. The last 14% is attributed to tone. If someone were to say something nice to me, but was making faces like they were mad or their body language was showing something completely different I would definitely look into why they were acting that way regardless of what they say. The saying "actions speak louder than words" is very applicable to this topic. It is very important to have honest and open communication while also sending out the correct nonverbal communication to match what you're trying to say. A quote that we mentioned in class was "Communicate not only so clearly that you could be understood, but that you couldn't be misunderstood." I find myself often beating around the bush with things that I say mostly for fear of what the other person will respond to what I have said. I have gotten myself into a lot of trouble saying things and doing things that I don't mean out of anger. That's why I stress the honest and open communication, and having your actions agree with your words. The last thing that I want to talk about that I think is so important is no having one person be the leader in a relationship. There should be no presidents or vice presidents. The husband and wife should be equal. Power in families is the ability to get someone to think or feel in a way that they wouldn't spontaneously. Every person should be able to feel comfortable enough with the other person that they can say or act in whatever way they normally would without getting put down for it. I have so much to work on when it comes to my communication skills, but that class really has helped open my eyes to some of the important lines of communication.

This week we talked about stress in families. One of the things that we talked about that causes stress in families is when parents argue. This not only affects the parents, but it affects the children as well. When I was a kid I remember sitting on the porch listening to my parents yell at each other. I'm sure when I was that age all it did was make me sad, but I've noticed now that I'm older I've sometimes had the mentality that fighting is a good thing. It's taken me awhile to put together that those positive thoughts of fighting probably came from years of me hearing my parents fight. Of course I know that fighting isn't a positive thing, but it's interesting to have those feelings in the back of my mind sometimes that it is a good thing. I know my imperfections, and I know that I'm different than everyone else so I can only imagine the things that go on with other kids who were raised in a background similar to mine. I know that everybody will have their disagreements, but there are better ways to handle those situations. I can only hope that I can learn and grow from the negative situations that have been placed in my path.

In class this week we talked about marital intimacy. I think it is so important for parents to educate their kids on sex. My parents didn't ever have "the talk" with me, I learned from other kids. It wasn't a good thing for me to learn from other kids close to my age, because they had different standards than me. I grew up in an area where there was maybe a 2% Mormon population. Adults in my area would let their children have sleepovers, and anything else you could think of. In church, we learn that sex isn't okay to do before you're married. I completely agree. Unfortunately, too many members of the church take that standard too far, and make it seem as if sex is bad. Then when their kids grow up and get married, they have sex for the first time and feel guilty about it. I am going to teach my children that sex is a good thing, at the right place, in the right time, and with the right person. I hope that more parents educate their kids on the emotions, and importance of intimacy after they're married.

Marriage is the one thing that really scares me, but at the same time it is the one thing that I desire most in life. 

My parents got divorced this last year. I have tried to ignore it as much as possible (it's actually worked quite well for me), but there are times when it weighs heavy on my mind. I have become extremely picky in my dating. I hang out with a lot of different people, but I always seem to find things wrong in every guy that's interested in me. Many people may see this as a bad thing, but in marriage you have to be able to adapt to your spouses lifestyle. & you don't just marry them, you marry their family. It is so important to get to know people completely, and find out if you will be able to work well with them in many different situations. I know that there is a good man out that will be able to work well with me and my flaws, and I will be able to work well with him and his. I've just got to meet him, and be able to put in the required work that goes along with dating. :)

In this weeks topic of dating, I found it interesting to learn about the relationship attachment law. It was described like this: 

You need to know someone more than you trust them.

You need to trust someone more than you rely on them. 

You need to rely on someone more than you commit to them.

You need to commit to someone more than you touch them.

As we talked about this in class it seemed to be common sense. It is so important to know a person before you give them your trust, rely on them, commit to them, or trust them. You're not going to know how they will treat you, or respond to things unless you get to know them. It was also said in class that it takes a minimum of three months to begin to get to know someone. I LOVE this. So many people out here in Rexburg get engaged after only a couple weeks of getting to know someone. I personally think that would be so scary. You would basically be marrying a stranger. I'm not your typical LDS girl. I believe in getting to know someone for a long period of time, then dating them for a long period of time, and then if it's right and I feel comfortable with that person completely maybe we'll get engaged. Trust is earned, and I feel like it takes awhile for most people to earn that because I do need to get to know them completely.